Dear Diary aka Random Person on the Internet...

I was 10 years old when I started my first official diary, which looked very similar to the image above. It had a nifty lock and a cushioned cover. I loved it and I documented everything. I was still living in Ukraine, writing in Russian and describing how my family and I were anticipating our move to the United States. I was 12 years old when I moved to San Francisco in 1994, bought an even cuter diary and my story continued. I documented defining moments of my life pretty consistently until my mid-20s and then I just stopped. I would probably never want anyone to truly read everything I've written as I’m sure I’ve said nasty things about all of my loved ones and captured too many incriminating details of my childhood. Needless to say, this blog is not a diary with a lock and key that I can keep under my bed, it’s out there for the public to read and I will write having that in mind.

Today I am 29 years old. In 3 weeks, on July 14th, I will be 30… Dirty Thirty, XXX, the big 3.0, 30 is the new 20, etc. It is truly a huge milestone and it absolutely feels as though I’m entering a new chapter of my life. Somehow saying that I’m 20-something, feels a lot younger than saying that “I’m 30”… Granted, I’m doing okay for my age: I have a good education - I’m a techie and I have a decent job at a very prestigious company; In August of 2010 I began dating the love of my life (I’ll blog more about our love story later of course), it was an insta-connection and things moved very quickly – we got married on 11/20/2011. I’ve been married for exactly 7 months now and a homeowner (little townhome, but who needs to know) for almost 3 months now. 

The main thing that one would say I’m missing would be a baby of course. It’s baby-fever, baby-mania, baby baby baby, all around me. Most of my girl friends already had their cute little babies (lots were preggers at the same time), some have multiple babies/kids and one of my very best friends, Alla (yes, we have the same name!!!) is due on my birthday (7/14). So the baby-pressure is all around, however I’m totally not there yet. My husband and I still want to be lazy and do whatever the hell we want after work and on weekends – time already goes by so quickly. Basically – we need a couple more years to just be newlyweds, go on some trips, be careless with our money, etc. All of you, who are not ready to bring a baby into this world, know exactly what I’m saying and I don’t need to justify that any further. Sure, there is no right time to become parents, but a couple has to at least mutually want to embark on that journey… we don’t... not yet.

So of course, that’s when the age pressure comes in. Sure, I may act like I’m barely 20, sometimes even 15 or so, I feel young and irresponsible at times – but the truth of the matter is that the older you are when you start a family, the older you’ll be as your child grows and I think being an old parent stinks. It stinks for the kid – their parents will be the old, sickly ones and it sucks for the parents – get to miss out on seeing the beautiful life that their child will build.

I am not a religious person, but I certainly believe in fate and destiny. I believe that everything happens the way it is meant to happen. Life has a crazy way of panning itself out. Two years ago, I was single, living with my parents, hanging out with my two bffs (Jessica & Alla) every day, being lazy and unproductive. Two years ago, I could never picture that my life is going to change so drastically, so suddenly and so quickly. I’m still adjusting to my new life, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Therefore, I know that planning something or being on a schedule will never work, everything will happen when it’s the right time for it to happen. These massive life changes sound ridiculously scary when you’re just anticipating them, but as they’re happening, they blend into your life very seamlessly. It is only when you stop and reflect on the changes in your life, the way I’m doing right now with this free-write of mine, that you realize how much has happened.

And so the first, official blog post is now in the books. Until next time…